Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
