She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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