I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
