Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
