3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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