We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
should my penis look like a turkey
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
