You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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