Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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