We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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