Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
