recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
