Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
