Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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