he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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