After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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