Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I could fuck to npr.
We need to get me chipped asap
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
