yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Randomize
