Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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