I seem to have left my pride at pride
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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