Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
