we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
