he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
