She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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