So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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