just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
