Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
