I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
