I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
