anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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