Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
