You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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