summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
