Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
