He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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