I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
