I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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