I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
