I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
