i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
