Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
