and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
