I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
