Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
