only you would photoshop your dick
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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