As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize