i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
