I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
