We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
