well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
