currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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