Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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