Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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