It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize