I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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