the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
