i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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