you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
