I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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