Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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