Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
