New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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