just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize