I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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