guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize