Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
