Your mouth is God's brothel.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
