i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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