the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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