Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
