We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
