you win again, gameday.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
