mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My hand turned me down
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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