I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
