sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
