Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
